fucked up life

i dont know what to do...i dont know where to go. at times like these i miss my father soo fuckin much. he would have helped me from this mess...my college is almost ending and my mom tells me i cant go in for archaeology. now she wants me to take up what the rest of my family does, be a doc. i dont want it. but i have to. i dont have any other choice. i wanna just die. i am crushed, and i am not myself anymore. i have changed. my personality has changed from happy and funny to dull and dead. i just wanna go away, kill myself. how would you feel if your dream was taken away from you? dead right? i dont know what to do anymore.