Pessimist???

yea..well i am one. i admit it. and i can be the most paranoid person on earth. i can feel weird about everything, and start questioning everyone's actions in my mind. its kinda creepy, but in a odd way..completely right. im not making this up, its true. i just can figure it out lookin at the person, the way they behave, even the slightest smirk can just bring out a zillion questions in my mind. hmm anyWay, im watchin the ManU Vs. Arsenal match. wtf is wrong with ManU. We play like A bunch of morons on the field! Ronaldo was a huge part of the team and now that he's gone, its literally falling apart. no offence to the team, we have some wonderfully talented and much higher ranked playErs in the team, but it kinda feels like there is no spark left in the team. we are doing well, but not well enough. ah fine im off now, tc adios amigos XOXO

Missing the one person i treasured the most

Im in college right now sitting amidst people who are talking no sense, have been busy tryin to fit in and have just given up..right now my mind is idle, music playing in my ears, feeling lonely and missing my dad. Yep, it happened a yr and a half back, and i still feel that maybe i could have tried harder to save him..the
truth is i dint try at all. His drinking made him weak..he couldnt take that head injury, his body just couldnt! And i wasnt even there when he was dying, lying there all alone in a coma..miles away from us..mom asked me if i would wanna see him but
i chickened out as usual..somethin im very talented at. I should have gone. And how i wish that i could just hug him one last time and tell him he was the best daddy. I
would never have let him go. Why me? I keep asking myself but no one seems to know the answer. I guess i never will know. I miss him everyday. And if there
ever was a heaven (which im quite sure does not exist) i would want him to
look down on me and be proud of me no matter what.

living here is a living hell

since a couple of years now, i have been struggling with what society has had to offer me...from being called a skank, to being ditched by all my besties, to being called a drug addict(which i am not!). this is it. here it ends. this is where i put a stop to it. coz if people can't accept me for who i am(i.e., a good person, who no one understands anyway) then i guess all i can say is FUCK YOU! coz i have been treated life camel dung for long enough, i have done nothing to deserve such bullshit And i want this to end right now! since 2 years now, i have been able to sit home and think over where i went wrong, bad company, not thinking much about how my actions would affect my family. now i could change things; my 2 besties Pri and Nil are everything to me, and yes! i can trust them, coz i know them well enough to trust them with my soul. since i lost my father, i feel i should always think before i do something stupid or even smart. things have taken over my life now, apart from nil nd pri,Music is my next best thing. my diary knows my life, and being myself couldnt get any better. this place i live in is nothing to me. nothing. i am me. face it or just live with it. i feel alive now. i can breathe. i have a dream. and im going to get it.

i could love/hate life right now

all is well in life since a couple o days. been sick for a week with flu so havent been attending college. the thing about life is we just wake up go around do our things and at the end of the day come back and feel as miserable as we did when we woke up. but sometimes when we have our "alone time" we can actually sort out our brains. figure out why things are working out so well and why somethings just about dont work. thats what i had for these few amazing days. i just watched time pass listenin to All Time Low munching on junk and annoying mum. right now im struggling with punctuations since the fuckin laptop keyboard is being retarded but oh well...in these few days i got to chat with my bestie pri(who i absolutely love and adore) and my fav guy arda is back after i dont know how long of just running away from facebook. did a little research on which university i want to do my undergrad in and im feeling extremely lucky to have known a couple of people. i love being me right now!

Boys are full of shit...

basically, i have had this crap treatment since the very beginning...never been able to have a good relationship with a boy. nature's way of keeping things right i guess. my first boyfriend was a Loser with a capital "L". i could never forget our first date, which sucked so bad! my second boyfriend, this ugly fuck who i fell so hard for, was playin aroundwif other girls behind my back (can you believe his gutts??). yea, well i foun out and it was this whole movie scene. a bad movie scene. the next one, well i dint really understand much of what he said. the last one was just after sex which he failed to get after 3 months of relationship( he's gettin some from my so called bestie now).the guy i currently found to be pretty cute just got all excited and now everytime i walk past his stupid face, just jumps into class like some kind of a giant vagina-like being; now i could just call this a series of wrong choices. or i could just conclude to say that every guy i meet just isnt right, or maybe somethings horribly wrong with me! or maybe its just a way of knowing that these wrong relationships will make me wait for that one person who mite just bump into me on the middle of a busy day and ask me if he could buy me a cup of coffee.