Where I belong

id be kidding if id say i wasn't depressed, maybe will for the next few months, but thats just a process we all need to go through to reach success...it starts with something horrible, then you go into depression, your wounded and you just wanna be alone, then you want to shut yourself from the world, then you keep screaming at thin air asking for reasons as to WHY this happened to YOU? of all the people, why you?, but then you start realizing its nature's way of showing you your true path, your very purpose on this earth, it happens, you realize giving up on your dream was never ever the remedy, you realize its always worth a shot, at least if your going down you'd be happy to know you gave your dream a shot, right? so here goes nothing, im starting from Square one, and im going to break down constantly, but that does NOT mean im going to give up so easily...id like to thank Pri, she's one person apart from Nil who really actually gives a fuck about me, she believes in her dream just like me; no fucking doubt we are dreamers but like i quoted Paulo Coelho in my last post, dreams can come true...we need to give it a try, there's no harm in that...So here it goes...CHEERS TO WARPED, THE SHOVEL BUM AND THE BRILLIANT CARTOONIST ARE COMING YOUR FUCKIN WAY BABY!!!

This Is Why We Cant Have Nice Things

12days left for my next exam and mum has managed to scare the shit outta me...thanks woman! i have to admit i do have a inferiority complex, and its stupid to blame someone else for that, but what the heck! The lady has no idea how to talk to me half the time, everytime we have a conversation it end with us throwing stuff at each other, and now she is deffo about me failing my exam; id really appreciate her being a little supportive, but she never really is..always into her own thing; yea anyway i shall not go on about her,i can feel my nerves twitching lol so yea its been nice, music, studies, Psych...been addicted to LPS and The Blackout, and i love it...i have mentioned this in my tweets too, about how music and football is the only thing i live for...and its the truth...those things just help me move on each day; cant wait for FIFA 201O; i swear by the name of spike that if i ever get a chance to get out of this country, the first thing id do is shop till i drop in Hot Topic,Baby Cakes, Drop Dead...ahhhh!!! all those band T's and all those CDs!!! man! im such a dreamer, but seriously, id be watching a concert or two each day; and of course the WARPED TOUR wif Pri, thats going to be aweeesommmeee! lets just hope it happens ;)and watching Soccer!and my dream of being an Archaeologist, well if thats not going to happen, im sure that some day i will travel all over the world... well, back to reality now, if it ever happens, id consider myself blessed atlast..i think its normal to hate how your life is, people say we should be content with it..but what if we want more? what if its not we wanted? call me a ungrateful bitch...idc tbh, thats how i have and will be, a dreamer, who keeps going on about big things when im still stuck in the little world; i beleive greatly in the saying of Paulo Coelho "And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." remember this kids, and keep dreaming BIG!

Drugs and Alcohol taking over teens?

this is a subject i have wanted to write about for quite sometime...we see this topic everyday on tv so i dont have to introduce you to it. People,especially teenage girls, just screwing up their lives for the sake of fame, love or simply just to feel good about themselves. its quite sad how the media has changed our thinking. lets admit it, it could only be the media which would put such brilliant idea in our noggins. from ads, to movies, where beautiful women walk around half nude with their oversized breasts, their curvy bodies, this is where the idea generates in the minds of young girls. soon, the girls look at the mirror and are so displeased with what they see, coz the girl in the movie looked amazing! if only they looked like her, that boy from school would notice. and soon, ideas to keep in shape, like anorexia, bulimia begin to develop. then they see how small their breasts or asses are and tend to go ahead and have a surgery for enlargement.

A very good example of a person giving up her natural beauty to look like trash: HEIDI MONTAG



otherS, think it is so awesome to have that first drink/smoke/drug because their friends do it. they want to blend in, so they would do anything that their friends would do. here, the first drink/smoke/drug starts off but then they seem to enjoy it, and have a few more, it feels so good, coz its taking you to another place. you feel high, you feel like your awesome, you feel ecstatic. you keep doing it, and you want more. you do it everyday, and then its not just wanting, you NEED more. you want to stop but you just cant. but you think its fine, your parents dont know, and as long as you feel good. but whats really happening INSIDE your body is what you dont know about.
HERE ARE A FEW PICTURES OF THE LIVER AND LUNGS BEFORE AND AFTER DRINKING AND SMOKING:

LIVER



LUNGS


people with addictions tend to fall apart from their families, they make them their enemies all because they want to help them. Example is Lindsay Lohan, beautiful and smart, turned her self to an addict and now blames her father for everything bad and good in her life:
LINDSAY LOHAN


The bottom line is everyone should be happy with the way they look, nature is accurate with each person. each person has the right features and body which will suite him/her. why mend it? why try making yourself into something your not? why hurt yourself with harmful liquids and gases when you know there are other ways of coping stress and fun? each person needs to think about what happens to them from the inside, their bodies are being destroyed from within with each puff and drink. its not worth it in the end.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/theradone

Pull The Trigger, Ricochet

the title is pretty much descriptive of my life...i go two steps further then just come back to put the pieces together...but this is a good thing, i have always made mistakes, but i have managed to learn from these mistakes, i come back or go back to the past to see what i did wrong and make sure i never do those mistakes again. and i have made it through all those horrible time. i have realized i never really wrote much about me over here...so here goes:
im 18, i dont pretend to be something im not, im fun and i make sure everyone around me has a good time. once someone goes against me, they are permanently cut off from my life, i am a shit mouth, everyone who knows me will know that! but people dont really know me; even if they think they do, i am at times depressed, and thats why i like to be by myself; you see im not much of a family person, as much as i love everyone in my family, i always feel i have lost a part of my life since my father's death, i faced it bravely, i guess i wanted to be strong for mom. but it was a stupid decision, i will forever have nightmares... theres not one day that i can recall where i closed my eyes and saw something nice. its always ugly. i feel alone. i am alone. im not drowning in self pity here, its the truth and im cool with it. hence i managed to make this amazing world for myself, where i am so happy, you cant even imagine how much i appreciate it! its a world i have in my room. its made up of my cds and the amazing bands who i love, they help me with their music, it heals me, and makes me smile. i have my laptop where i get to go online and see videos and meet people and i feel so happy, coz i secretly wish to live this way. so even if this world is small, and often called "The fools paradise", it is mine, and it is everything. it makes me believe in myself. i hate relationships, coz i just think its a waste of time. friends come and go, but that one friend counts, he or she will be there for you in every step of your life. luckily i have found that friend. SO IN SHORT, THE REAL ME IS DEPRESSED,ROCKRCHIC,FUNNY,INTROVERT, CRAZY,A DREAMER,LEARNS FROM MISTAKES,CONFUSED, DOSENT BELIEVE IN FRIENDSHIP, HATES LOVE, AND TAKES NO SHIT >.<

STFUppercut!

HELLOOOO...its 2 am in the morning and im wide awake, a light tune on my player and a ebook in front of me...i feel like a teen from an all american movie! Me and Muffin went to the beach and it was all static forces and lightning, but it was cool coz it was nice to get rid of the heat; Plus there were the "Beach Boys", also got to see the Fag prince GV, anyway i have managed to waste my time very conveniently by listening to Mr.Watkins and Mr.Smith's music...especially have been addicted to Dstryr/Dstryr which has become my anthem now; i wanna travel! i feel theres just so much more to life than sitting and deciding what to do next, i mean WHY decide?! just do it ya know what i mean? its like you get an idea and you just go ahead and do it; once your this teen kid and the next minute your in a house walking around crawling babies crying their lungs out...people worry too much, mom always looks at me as i lie down on my bed singing along to my favourite band and she has this look saying "what will this girl do with her life". not that shes wrong, but WTF i think everyone really underestimates me :/ well what the heck, its not like i give a damn, i am a dreamer, no doubt, and the fact is life is too precious to waste worrying about the future; live life like moi lol im always cool, like Mugen from samurai Champloo, except for the gross parts ofcourse ;) my life is spent listening to music and watching soccer, and i love it mucho; anyway, i have lately just been really annoyed with boys, excluding my past experiences with the male species, i have found them to be really useless and a pathetic excuse of the so called "Man hood"; well thats about it for now, nitey nite! X

Blah Blah Blah

ahoy fellow blogfucks! its the 4th!!! do you know what that means?? well, it means nuthin, just another day, sleeping it out till 2 pm, wakey wakey and then right to the tv seated in my "U-SHAPED POSITION" as my mother calls it, munchin on some snack and a good looking glass of juice, just the way i like it :) then of course i waltz my way in to my room, literally, go online and tweet out my soul, just before i pause the world and drool over the background of my twitter page ;) facebook is a must, say heyyylow to me pals, then check out band updates, put on some kick ass Lostprophets music, or maybe Adam Lambert, or maybe Tokio Hotel, or maybe Nirvana..gahh well will find one that suites me mood at that moment... for example, right now im listenin to the Warped Tour compilation, i feel sooo rocker chic like right now! well back to my day, youtube updates are a must, i mean, chris crocker has somethin to say every single minute! then of course, my day would never end without checkin my inbox for HATE MAILS lmfaorofl! ja ja ja its true, and its fun, only because it makes my muscles twitch like in the anime >.< then as evening strikes, i go out for a walk,dont wanna miss out on the good lookin boys stayin in the flats opposite me Casa ;) then back, watch Psych, which btw is just repeating episodes of the last season! or maybe Desperate Housewives, American Idol is just an exception, coz it sucks this season...well anyhow, my day ends at 2am and as i read "AS YOU LIKE IT" i start gettin my yawns and stretches, so i tweet goodnight and crash into my cloud of nightmares...thats about it ^_^
P.S Samurai Champloo is the SHIT

Positively Lost

it happened again. i fell once. now it happened again. i portray myself as a strong person, but sometimes i cant hold myself up that way. today has been so dull, like a black and white fuck up movie. i feel like i have gone back in time. 2 yrs back. my nightmares are back. my smile is broken. guess its one of my depression attacks; but i feel good, it sometimes feels good to hurt than to just cover up everything.

being Random

ok this is me just being random, i have nuffin to say; ok wait, i just finished my exams, so HELLL YEAAAAAA! apart from that, just been he usual lazy day for me, went out with Muffin,had a crazy time as always; that what best friends are all about <3 anyywhoooo im feelin kinda drowsy, and mum is watchin some MJ stuff, so yea thats usually the time i just lock myself up in my room :P and yea gotta watch Shutter Island, also wanna watch Alice in Wonderland(did i mention the soundtracks are just dope) , but everyone keeps saying its bad, but blehh i havent read the book, what do i care eh? and also, i can never ever miss a movie of Depp, thats just Sacrilege ;) and ohh PS: I MISS YOU PRI <3

Adam Lambert on Flaunt Magazine

Adam looking glam as usual on the new issue of FLAUNT MAGAZINE! here are the pics:

Almost at the finish line

yerr almost done, 5 days left for the big one, been studying, wish me luck!

GaGa Vs. LamLam

who am i kidding?? no competition between these two...coz i love them both. why you ask? coz both of them just stand out of the crowd. i you dont believe me, just go youtube gaga or lambert and watch their videos..you will know what im going on about ;)

Lets start off with GLambert:
i saw him first on the american idol auditions and the first thing i thought was...he is definitely gonna stand out of the crowd. and yes he did. from "I CAN GET NO SATISFACTION" to "WHEELS OF FIRE" to "TRACKS OF MY TEARS" to his original "FYE" he has just been absolutely glamorous! from his smokey eye makeup to his sexy black emo hair to his amazing choice of what he wears he has just stood out for me as the most amazing male out there who isnt afraid to say hes gay and say what he wants...




I remember downloading his album coz i just knew it wont be available over here, and the first song "MUSIC AGAIN" played on my laptop and i was like "WOW!!!" coz it sounded...whats the word...Different???!YEP it was something we wont hear on tv while beyonce is busy grinding her hips or JT is on about how he would like to make out with some girl, i mean No offence, they are all great but This one, he was different, fabulous, and as i kept hearing more of his songs i just wanted to keep listening and as the cd ended, i just played it all over again!





He managed to kiss his guitarist Tommy @ the AMA's and people managed to make a huge deal out of it which i personally think is just darn hypocrisy! Now everyone knows Susan Boyle right? like shes everywhere, just like Justin Bieber lol but Lam just happened to say it out loud that her music sucked (OMG I THINK SO TOO!!!) in plain simple words, he is GLAMGLAM and is in my top list of Favourite artists >:)





Now coming to GAGA:

GAGA is another fashion icon to me who has made a statement not only through the weird clothes she ends up wearing on the red carpet but her music is so OUT THERE!
she isnt like the other female artists who cry about a guy leaving them, shes more about fun and games; from Pokerface to LOvegame, to Bad romance its just given me an impression that she isnt like the others, shes not trying to be different, SHE IS DIFFERENT!




People have said a lot of sick things bout her being Trans gender, i mean WTF! just coz her music is different and she behaves different that does not mean shes got a different package down there lol She is also a huge supporter of Gay rights and is a Biexual herself which i totally admire coz i dont see celebrities these days who are proud of their sexual orientation, everyone just pretends to be something their not!




Cant wait to see her latest video for TELEPHONE coz its always a delight watching her videos, its out of the frickin blue! you never know what to expect from GAGA ;)

Just another blog entry

hey just came online to check if i got some University mail; anywho i missed the great big match but ManU won anyway...been studying, just 26 days left for the big one! pretty nervous but im intending to do very well(touch wood)... excited about the future but i dont wanna get carried away like before lol then i wont be studying but dreaming bout how exciting life would be hehe...got my mom into fb :O i know right? she has no idea how to use it which is adorable and btw her profile pic is just the cuteness.
ok anyway gotta get back to studying, tc

Loving Ugly Betty

lol yea been addicted to it since a few weeks now, even mom is all about living the day just so that she can tune into the show at night! i always say my mom is Wilhelmina, lol shes a huge fan of Wilhelmina, im more like Marc, her assistant, except for the gay part :P btw i am gonna be watching the AC MILAN Vs MAN UTD match, haha i love how they make Beckham sound like some traitor, i mean "BECKS IS BACK!" phewwwyyyy!!!!
anyway, today is the day i fill in the app form O.o wish me luck people, im nervous, no seriously, nervous in a good way.

Dear Diary...i am confused

yes i am; i have no idea what to do. someone make sense of life right now. one road leads to happiness and the other road leads to success. but i assure you, the first road comes with success too. i dont know which one to chose. a certain someone *COUGH COUGH MOM* has only given me a chance to walk on the second road. but im not sure if i want to. although it is extremely tempting to do so, the only question which crosses my mind is...am i capable of it? YES i am very good with people, i am kind and sweet to people in need and i take credit for it but am i capable of studying for the rest of my happy years just to end up in some fancy hospital working my ass off day in and day out just to earn a fancy living? adults dont get it. as much as i wish i had kazillions of ucks to throw just so that i could buy my very own jet to london and study Archaeology, i must confront the situation im in right now. Some people are just born with every opportunity hanging by their side. for example, so and so could just say i want to learn so and so subject and i wish to learn it RIGHT NOW! and rich daddy or mummy would buy it for their little spoilt princess or prince and the next minute their of to dream university. Hard work isn't on their list of to do's. now i may not know much bout hard work only because i was definitely a spoilt princess once. but i did not have the opportunity to stay so. its pathetic. and due to that i lost a year of college. but that one lost year has changed me. it change me for the better. i have amazing friends who i absolutely adore. but some certain people around me just dont get who or what i want to be. for them, its just about being rich and living a wonderful lifestyle. what happened to the good ol' days when a person did what HE or SHE wished to do? even when they toiled every single day but came home with the fruits of their labor to their loving family and sat down to realize how happy they are. it not always about being successful, its about being happy. i dont have that card to play, my chances are almost impossible. why ALMOST? coz' i have the option of learning arts in a nearby college for the next 5 yrs, something completely out of the blue, i must say. i dont want to be an under achiever. i want to learn more than that. i had a dream. i wanted it so bad. and no one has a clue as to how bad it hurts to just put this huge smile as your mother jumps around all excited coz im gonna be doing medicine now. why? coz my "father" wanted me to. where is he now anyway? not around.did not stick around to help me at this crossroad. this is the only place i can actually share my feelings. so here i am.

Going With The Flow

Hey been sometime now, had to do A LOT of thinking, and i did, fer sure...so i am gonna do what my mum said, coz lets face it, dreams are gonna be dreams, and if i dont cease to leave my fools paradise, i will end up bad like YOU KNOW WHO haha not gonna mention em...but i will take up Archaeology, once i got the bucks to do it, for now just gonna go ahead with medical, will have to, its the best investment for my future :)and im happy, no one forced me to, its my decision and i wanna be good at whatever i do, even if it involves cutting dead people and looking at weird lil objects floating in bottles :S lol one things fer sure mates, there gonna be a lot of fainting involved Lmao adios fer now bitches <3 peace be with you

fucked up life

i dont know what to do...i dont know where to go. at times like these i miss my father soo fuckin much. he would have helped me from this mess...my college is almost ending and my mom tells me i cant go in for archaeology. now she wants me to take up what the rest of my family does, be a doc. i dont want it. but i have to. i dont have any other choice. i wanna just die. i am crushed, and i am not myself anymore. i have changed. my personality has changed from happy and funny to dull and dead. i just wanna go away, kill myself. how would you feel if your dream was taken away from you? dead right? i dont know what to do anymore.